I Find Out How I Die

According to this:

"At age 81 you will start playing an online game and become so addicted that you starve to death."

Which, frighteningly, sounds pretty plausible.

Quotable Quotes II

"When helmets are on the low, Clingfilm's the way to go!"
- An original (eat your heart out Fiona).

Quotable Quotes

Some good ones I've come across. The best is the last one. Only smart people can understand.

"If its bleedin', its breedin'!"
- A friend of mine with a fervent disregard for age limits.

"Bag the face and bomb the place!"
- Another friend who subscribes to the principle of "love all serve all".

"If the river runs red, take the dirtroad instead."
- Anonymous SMS.

The Crap You Get in Supermarkets These Days

This is actually bean curd but oh what a catchy brand name...

Wah

Last time got people ever like Lee Chee Chew one leh. See here.

I Go Insane

The other day I was talking to my friend on MSN. As it would happen, the conversation topic drifted to Transformers:

Me : optimus so boring.. so goody goody
Me : i think starscream is da best
Me : so bad boy
P : starscream is a faggot can
P : faggot voice
P : he's like megatron's fuck bitch
Me : eh wah lan eh.. he always try to fuck megawati one wat
Me : i mean megatron
Me : fuck
P : hahhahahahahahahahaha
Me : i mean he always try to betray megatron one la
P : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
P : wah lau eh dude
Me : wah lan eh cheebye

Bird Flu: The Final Showdown

This is American bohliaoness at its best:

Some fucking cock (no pun intended) made a movie about bird flu. Its like "Mr President, we have widespread human to human infection. In twenty four hours, the infected area will be the size of Texas. Recommend a tactical nucular strike to eliminate the threat."

Speaking of which, in real life, the Indonesian government announced recently that the bird flu situation in Indonesia was "extraordinary". "Extraordinary" as in "it's extraordinary that you have a rash on your dick" that kind of "extraordinary". And then some more I kenah fever, aching bones and lao sai the same day as the news came out. Just like this case. Die already lah.

One Last Hurrah

So 31 December happened to be Idul Ahda, the Islamic holiday of sacrifice. And since the preferred animal to sacrifice is a goat, lots of roadsides here were filled with goats for people to inspect, buy and, ultimately, kill, all for a good cause.

Anyway, the other day, I was in my car when I saw these two goats getting it on with some hot animal lovin' on the side of the road. Which would not have been so naughty if not for the stream of kids making their way to school beside them. I don't know why animals just seem to have less inhibitions here.

But I found it even more amusing when my driver told me that only male goats are supposed to sacrificed. Guess if you were going to die tomorrow, you would like to have done it all before you go.

Bug Zapper!

So my place is like bug central la. Cos next door there's a construction site so got a lot of stagnant water which means fuckloads of mosquitoes which wake me up at night and piss the hell out of me.

Enter the Shuangying Multifunction Mosquito Hitting Racket (that's how its spelled on the packaging). Check it:


What you do is charge the capacitor overnight, screw it on the next morning, and when there's a bug in sight, you switch the thing to standby and then you swat the motherfucker while you press the trigger. If you connect, there's this zzzzzzzPOP! sound accompanied by a blue spark which will mean that you have sent one of the hell-spawned little assholes back to where they came from with 2300 volts of bug-frying fury. As the packaging says, "It can kill the mosquito which is sucking blood on human skin, but it is harmless to human. Without any feeling of electric shock when you touch the net on flat surface, it is safe for use."

I love this thing. And I think I've become addicted to it. Coupla days ago I found myself making one more trip to the kitchen juuuust to make sure that there weren't anymore bugs hanging around.

And somehow, there's less bugs around the house. Maybe word has gotten around.