I Employ an "Ass Bartender"

So the other day C told me he saw my driver trying to park my car in the basement car park. The guy tried to reverse into an impossibly small parking lot, and bumped into another car. And then when the parking attendant already told him cannot he still die die wanna try to reverse somemore. C said he drive my car like Daytona like that. Damn bochup. Wah I hear already I damn du lan. Kanina in front of me drive until so careful, so polite call me "Sir", somemore always help me to carry my groceries. Chao cheebye behind my back use my car play bumper car.

The whole day I just don't say anything. See how long he dowan to tell me. So that same night when he fetch me home, I asked him to give me the keys and then I say, "today the car got accident or not?" Kanina only then he start to tell me... actually he wanted to tell me but don't want to disturb me during the day so he wanna wait until I come home then tell me... then say actually he know he hit the other car liao but then he selected the wrong gear so instead of moving forward, he moved back some more.

Kanina lampah understand? The story don't make sense one. I ask you: if you're already in reverse gear, and you wanna select the move forward gear, cannot be you "select wrongly" back the reverse gear right? Fucking bullshit. Chao cheebye. I hate when people bluff me.

So I give him this month and next month's pay and ask him to fuck off. Wah. He die die don't wanna take the money. At first ask me don't fire him la... His father just die la.. Got wife and kids la.. I said I already very good already. Your father die I give you money. You sick I give you money see doctor. Your daughter go school I help you pay school fees. Help her buy school uniform. Cheebye one simple thing like take care of my car properly also cannot do. Wah then he realise no hope liao. So then he try to make me feel quilty. Say he so cham. Father just die, wife got no job, daughter still so young. Say if I don't give him money that means I don't care about him la. Don't care about his family la. Wah lan eh this type of dirty trick he also use. He know that I'm damn soft-hearted one. Not this time dude. I told him fuck off.

So then the next week I go look for driver. Saw two candidates but like not very good leh. Then my security guard say her cousin can drive car. Wah this guy damn standard man. His CV is actually TYPED WITH MICROSOFT WORD one. The other drivers only use pen to write on paper. I see already I damn impressed. Then I saw his experience. Damn champion. You see la:


I zoom in for you to see:


"Ass Bartender"? What's that? Like a specialist bartender who only serves asses at the bar? Or is it like some guy who tends to gay people's asses at the bar? I like this guy man. He make me laugh. Very funny. So I say, "hahahah! I like you! Tomorrow you come to my house and drive me to work!"

So now I got new driver. He's damn scared of me after he heard my story about how I fired the previous guy. Drive the car damn fucking careful. Until don't even dare to overtake people. But who cares? His CV is damn steady.

I'm a Fucking Genius

Did you know that my IQ is 138? And that puts me in the 99.18th percentile?

That means that 99.18% of the population is stupider than me. Albeit the population of the US because the test is American. But still, that means I must be smarter than at least 98% of the whole world (including America). So assuming that the world's population is 6,602,224,175, there are an estimated 6,470,179,691.5 people stupider than me. In fact, there is a good chance that YOU might be stupider than me.

Check it. I never bluff you:



AND, last Saturday I went to karaoke, the karaoke machine scored me "91" when I sing Ji Pa Ban. Scared or not?