Citizen Journalism is Gan Pua Steady

So R just introduced me to these videos on You Tube of these gan fierce Singaporeans at their finest. In Singapore, the more hiong you are, the more respect you get. So without much further ado, I show you my favourite ones:

Hiong Lift Aunty



I don't know what the story behind this is but it starts off damn action packed with a security guard trying to prevent a couple of aunties from going into a lift. One of them is saying something like the guy (who is filming the whole thing from inside the lift) kicked her first. At the same time, another aunty on the left tries to help her by telling the security guard that "I saw it also". The aunty is like going absolutely beserk and it sounds like she's slapping the security guard at one point. I think most steady is the security guard. Can hold off the aunties for so long. The guy inside the lift is chao ah kua. Only know how to video the thing and say "dun block my lift!". But the best part is at the end when the first aunty takes some kinda whip-like thing and whips it at the guy in the lift. Gan hiong.

Crazy MRT Aunty



This one my favourite. Apparently the backstory is that the aunty had been following the guy for some time in the MRT station and then he couldn't take it anymore so he whipped out his video camera phone and started recording her. This clip wins Best Swear Word and Rude Gesture Creativity award. Got "chao cheebye" got "kan ni na beh" some more got Middle Finger and Fist to Open Palm manoeuvre. I give five stars plus favourite on You Tube. The best part is at the end when the aunty walks away and the guy asks "Aunty, no more oreadi ah?". An instant classic.

Ang Moh Fight Two Singapore Girls



This one also quite hiong. Apparently there's some "star blogger" called Michelle Quek who won some blogger award or something (guess there's something for me to aspire to). So anyway, the story is Michelle Quek was minding her own business but her bag accidentally bumped against some ang moh dude and his girlfriend. Then suddenly the ang moh guy and his girl go crazy and start hantaming Michelle Quek! Ah *kbsh* *bsh* *bsh*. Wah damn hiong. But luckily got helpful Singaporean passerby to catch the ang moh. Steady. We Are Singapore. Most steady is the guy in the checked shirt. He go and fuck the ang moh, "this is Singapore ok! Not your country! SINGAPORE AH!!" Then later he give one damn steady guai lan face. But most loser is the ang moh. Just stand there with his cock face looking like some schoolboy who's getting fucked by his principal. Then later he still try to run away and then kena caught again. Damn cock. Some more he damn unglam. Wear baggy t-shirt with belt pouch. Even if he is in the right I also condemn him.

So anyway, there you have it. Singapore citizen journalism at its finest. One day I also hope I kena hantam by some aunty in Singapore then I also can become famous.

Cock Too Small? Just Add Balls

So someone decided that Jakarta needs to have some sort of 'subway system' in order to make it 'world class'. But no money to dig tunnels. So how? Easy. Just close of one lane of traffic throughout the busiest roads in Jakarta by spending millions of dollars to raise said lane by one foot, thereby worsening traffic conjestion, i.e., the very same problem that any normal subway system is supposed to alleviate, buy a few hundred snazzy, custom-made buses (the doors have to be about a meter off the ground - see below - in order to reach the specially-built bus-stops designed with passenger platforms very high off the ground so as to simulate the experience of being at a real subway stop which, against conventional wisdom, have been built on the road dividers between lanes, thereby neccesitating special custom-built overhead bridges for passengers to reach them), then drive the buses around the city, passing them off as subway trains, and hope no one notices the difference.

Busdriver Bill never quite figured out whether Keanu meant
miles or kilometres per hour when he said "stay above fifty!".

So anyway, this is the logo for the 'Busway' system:

Oh look. It's an eagle. Just like those American bald eagles associated with cool, high quality American service. But this one better. This eagle got balls. Balls so big that they're the same size as its head. Imagine if you had balls the size of your head. How to walk? And that's not all. Not satisfied with the boring old two balls, Transjakarta Eagle has three! That's how man he is.

Why have three balls? Because, as you can see from the close-up above, Transjakarta Eagle (he's like a mascot. They call him Tran-E. He goes to little kids' birthday parties and all) has no lan jiao. Or perhaps his lan jiao is so small that you can't see it. So how? Just have balls that are ten times bigger than real life and add an extra one for good measure. That'll show those stupid Americans.

Like L says, "more bigger, more better!"