Ok so recently me and P went to Bangkok for holiday. Well actually it was me on holiday. P was there mostly for work and to let me use his hotel room for free. I was basically like his secret mistress like that. Then when he go to work I just go shopping ah, suntanning ah, massage ah... Then at night he come back I ask him how his day went. It was a good life.
Anyway, we notice that there appear to be two different tribes of people in Thailand. There's the White Tribe, with their white skin, delicate features, nubile bodies. P astutely observed that he had yet to see a White Tribe girl with fat legs. Their stronghold is in the north, called Chiang Mai, a place of plenty and where the people live in harmony. There are endless acres of fertile green fields and their ruler is a High Queen, fair and just. They defend their land with courage and honour. Here are a few examples:
Ok you get the idea right? That's White Tribe. Basically you see already is *bsshhhhh* kenah nosebleed one.
Then there's the Black Tribe, who come from the south. As their name suggests, they have dark complexion and more... uh... simian features. Again, some examples. RAAARRRR!!!:
Yep... You don't wanna run into a Blackie in a dark alley. Their headquarters is apparently in the south where the sun is always hidden by putrid dark clouds and there are hordes of Blackies toiling in the iron mines while others are busy working in the forges banging away at red hot steel, crafting wicked-looking weapons for the army that they are secretly amassing for the final assault on their hated foes, the Whities, cowardly hiding in their ivory towers in Chiang Mai. In the unspeakable Black Tribe stronghold in the south, you can find all manner of ungodly creatures. There, they have what seem like huge war elephants, three times as large as normal elephants but with sharp carnivorous teeth. And the Black Tribe sorcerers are always trying to cook up some potion for their evil king to take so as to let him live longer ang longer. Apparently ang mohs like to hook up with Black Tribe girls because they find them more 'exotic' (read: good BJ lips).
Our guess was that Bangkok is like the middle ground where an uneasy truce exists between the Black Tribe and the White Tribe since the Blackies were beaten back to the south in the last Great War. But even in Bangkok, you can find exquisite shopping centres with all the posh brands where most of the shoppers are White Tribe women (this was where we spent a lot of time). And then there are other more dodgy 'hoods where most of the people are Blackies and they will try to sell you drugs and push their women on you. All very interesting. The tragedy of racial division in Thailand.
Anyway, we went to Chat-Tu-Chat market where there's all sorts of stuff. Somehow Chat-Tu-Chat makes people get this disease. I call it the Must-Get-________-Disease. If you get the Must-Get-________-Disease, you are siao liao. You will have this irresistable urge to buy a certain item and will roam Chat-Tu-Chat endlessly until you find whatever it is that you are looking to buy.
P kenah the Must-Get-Camo-Pants-Disease. Camo pants are basically pants/berms which have camo pattern. This is what they look like:
Which actually seems quite easy to find right? But nooo.... the first camo pants that caught P's eye had MARPAT camo. As I explained to P, MARPAT is the new US and Canadian military camouflage. Apparently there's like a lot of research put into this. And, apparently, US and Canadian scientists have found that by making the camo patterns look like Tetris Block Build Game, its harder for the enemy to see you. Here's what a MARPAT camo pattern looks like:
And here's the exact same pair of MARPAT camo berms that P was looking for:
I tell you ah... P was like a rabid dog man. Running all over Chat-Tu-Chat looking for his MARPAT shorts. But ALL the stores in Chat-Tu-Chat either don't have this pattern or don't have his size or were trying to sell the pants at like super-exhorbitant prices! In the end we had to eave Chat-Tu-Chat without the MARPAT shorts. I only realise how desperate for the camo shorts P was when about 4 nights later I went to sleep and woke up in the middle of the night and saw a pair of camo shorts on the table. After I had gone to sleep, P had been gone out to one of the roadside stores to look for a pair of camo shorts in the middle of the night! So he finally had his camo shorts. Although they were not MARPAT camo shorts.
For me, I kenah the Must-Get-Ah-Kua-Bag-Disease. But mine was a milder case. For your info, an Ah Kua Bag is those really really big bags that only fashionable guys carry. They look like Auntie Bags but there is apparently a very subtle difference (which I am not too sure about myself). Anyway, if you carry one, although other guys will think that you are a faggot, you confirm will get a lot of hot chicks one. Check it:
I tried my best to look for one. But most of them looked more like Auntie Bags leh so I didn't get one.
Anyway, fabulous Bangkok. Damn steady. Next time must go back there again.
Must.... get.... Ah... Kua.... Bag......
No comments:
Post a Comment