I Amuse Myself With Email Fraudsters

So recently, after the international success of Marlboro Decepticon II (more popularly referred to as "Marlboro Transformer" in Europe), I've been bored and in need of new amusement. So I'm now playing this game I invented myself called "Get the Email Fraudster to Say That He is a Chao Cheebye Failing Which Show Him a Picture of a Large Succulent Penis".

Let me explain. Everyone gets these cock emails from Burkina Faso asking you to claim a ridiculously large sum of money which belonged to some poor yak farmer in Mongolia who inherited it from the 12th Tsar of Russia as he (the farmer) was actually the great-half-grandson of the Tsar but then the farmer died in a skiing accident in Hokkaido and since the sender is the bank administrator of the funds, he needs a foreigner to take control of the funds because of some funny Burkina Fasoan law, the money will be seized by the government if it is unclaimed for more than eight years. Have you wondered what would happen if you replied to these emails? Well I have been replying. My goal is to make one of these email fraudsters write down in an email, "I [insert name of email fraudster] am a chao cheebye". If they don't do it, then I will send them a picture of a big fat penis (Mine actually. It is, after all, the biggest and fattest penis I have ever seen. If you want to see, pls send me an email). It's as simple as that.

Here's an email I got last week:

----- Original Message ----
From: yusuf musa yusuf_musaoo2008@latinmail.com
To: yusuf_musaoo2008@latinmail.com
Sent: Monday, February 4, 2008 4:37:42AM
Subject: DEAR FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND,

I KNOW THAT THIS MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE. I AM THE BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER IN BANK OF AFRICA (BOA), UAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO. I HOPED THAT YOU WILL NOT EXPOSE OR BETRAY THIS TRUST AND CONFIDENT THAT I AM ABOUT TO REPOSE ON YOU FOR THE MUTUAL BENEFIT OF OUR
FAMILIES.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN TRANSFERRING THE SUM OF (USD$25) MILLION TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN 10 TO 14 BANKING DAYS. THIS MONEY HAS BEEN DORMANT FOR YEARS IN OUR BANK WITHOUT CLAIM. I WANT THE BANK TO RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEAREST PERSON TO OUR DECEASED CUSTOMER (THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT) DIED ALONG WITH HIS SUPPOSED NEXT OF KIN IN AN AIR CRASH SINCE JULY, 2000. I DON'T WANT THE MONEY TO GO INTO OUR BANK TREASURER ACCOUNT AS AN ABANDONED FUND. SO THIS IS THE REASON WHY I CONTACTED YOU SO THAT THE BANK CAN RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED CUSTOMER. PLEASE I WOULD LIKE YOU TO KEEP THIS PROPOSAL AS A TOP SECRET AND DELETE IT IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED.UPON RECEIPT OF YOUR REPLY, I WILL GIVE YOU FULL DETAILS ON HOW THE BUSINESS WILL BE EXECUTED AND ALSO NOTE THAT YOU WILL HAVE 30% OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED SUM IF YOU AGREE TO HANDLE THIS BUSINESS WITH ME? AND 10% WILL BE SET ASIDE FOR ANY EXPENSES THAT WARRANT ON THE PROCESS BEFORE THE FUND GET INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT SUCH AS TELEPHONE CALLS BILLS (ETC).

BEST REGARD.
MR YUSUF MUSA.

So, trying to be helpful, I reply:

----- Original Message ----
From: Jimmy Lee Kalimantan jimmyleekalimantan@yahoo.com
To: yusuf musa yusuf_musaoo2008@latinmail.com
Sent: Tuesday, February 5, 2008 11:49:59AM
Subject: Re: DEAR FRIEND

I'd like to help but I am in Indonesia. Surely I can't be the nearest person to you?

But this guy insists that I am and even sends me an incredibly long email with a form to fill in (it's too long to post here). Then I notice that part of the form is spelled wrongly. So I send him this:

----- Original Message ----
From: Jimmy Lee Kalimantan jimmyleekalimantan@yahoo.com
To: yusuf musa yusuf_musa33@yahoo.fr
Sent: Thursday, February 7, 2008 12:04:05 PM
Subject: Re: More Detail and application form.

I think there's an error in your application form. "foreign" is spelled wrongly. Please correct it and send it back to me.

thanks.

To my surprise, the guy actually sends me this, attaching the corrected form!:

----- Original Message ----
From: yusuf musa yusuf_musa33@yahoo.fr
To: Jimmy Lee Kalimantan jimmyleekalimantan@yahoo.com
Sent: Thursday, February 7, 2008 3:50:32 PM
Subject:
urgent

Dear Brother, Thanks for correcting me please proceed

Yusuf Musa

Win liao lor. This guy so fucking cock actually believe me. So I try to get him to call "999" to report himself to police:

----- Original Message ----
From: Jimmy Lee Kalimantan jimmyleekalimantan@yahoo.com
To: yusuf musa yusuf_musa33@yahoo.fr
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 1:29:55
AM
Subject: Re: urgent

Hi,

I haven't received the phonecall. Shall I try to call you instead?

----- Original Message ----
From: yusuf musa yusuf_musa33@yahoo.fr
To: Jimmy Lee Kalimantan jimmyleekalimantan@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, February 8, 2008 1:40:46 AM
Subject: urgent

Dear Brother,

Ok, i will call you today but please proceed in our bussiness ok

Yusuf Musa

Jimmy Lee Kalimantan wrote:

Hi,I just need to speak to you about a few things before I fill up the form. Won't take more than two minutes. Could you give me a call at +65-99-90-0983 please? (The +65 is the country code for Singapore. You'll need it since you are calling overseas).

I tried calling you but didn't get a response.

Thanks.

But he never reply leh. So I drop the bomb:

----- Original Message ----
From: Jimmy Lee
Kalimantan jimmyleekalimantan@yahoo.com
To: yusuf musa yusuf_musa33@yahoo.fr
Sent: Friday, February 22, 2008 11:56:02 AM
Subject: Re:
urgent

Hi, I tried calling you but still can't get through after a few days. Actually my requirement is very simple. In my culture, business deals such as this are usually sealed with an affirmation of sincerity. In my language, "chao cheebye" is the highest form of sincere person. I simply require you to send me an email reply to the effect that "I, yusuf musa, affirm that I am a chao cheebye" before we can do business.

I understand that this may seem a little strange but it is important for me as I need something in black and white which I can show my parents who can be quite particular about these traditions.

Thank you very much.

No response. So now there is nothing more left to do than send him a picture of my big juicy lan jiao:

----- Original Message ----
From: Jimmy Lee Kalimantan
To: yusuf musa
Sent: Tuesday, March 4, 2008 10:17:34 PM
Subject: Re: urgent

Dear Mr Yusuf,

I am attaching a word document with my bank details. Please help me by sending me the email with your statement. Also, please do not hesitate to let me know if you need anymore information. You can call me at +65-99-90-0983.

Thank you.

Jimmy

And I attached a Word document with a picture of a big lan jiao on it. If he reply, I'll post here.

In the meantime I'm gonna try with other email fraudsters. I hope you all will give it a go too.

Cockanathan.