Enter Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl:
"I'm a cute imbecile! Tee hee!"She added me about two weeks ago. Thinking that she was probably someone that I had sex with accidentally in the past (I tend to do that a lot), I decided to add her out of pity. But then I think think think think think.. I really don't know this person leh.. And she's fucking cock. Always sending me invites to retarded applications like "Do You Like Me?" or "Am I Hot?" or "Aren't I A Cutesey Wutesey Little Bitchsy Witsey Who Needs To Be Cockslapped*"
So I had a look at her profile. It is fucking retarded. She's got something like 68 applications on her Facebook profile. I guess its supposed to make one look like an interesting person. Well guess what retard? It just makes you look retarded. I mean what kinda retard has 68 applications on Facebook?
So anyway, right at the top of the profile at the status update, it says "Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl is waiting for new year day". New YEAR day? I suppose you enjoyed "Christma" morning as well huh?
Ok maybe that was just low. But then there's the applications themselves. There's the "More About Me" application which, as its name suggests, lets you answer more questions about yourself so that people know you better. Here are Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl's answers. Honestly, I did not edit anything whatsoever:
Also, I counted no less than three "hug me" type applications. There's "FriendHug":
As well as "Hugs" and "HugMe". Wow. What? Your friends can't online hug you enough with one application? And what kinda idiots send "hugs" online anyway? I think she needs a "cockslap me" application. Sure get a lot of hits one.
Ok and then there's the cutesy applications. Fuck. She's got this in spades man. There's "What Kinda Lover Are You?":
I'm "The Care Bear"!
Aww, aren't you sweet. You are the sensitive lover, in tune with your partner's needs and perhaps the Lifetime Channel. You care more about pleasing your lover than you do yourself, which is ironic because pleasing your partner is the only way you can please yourself. You probably own a stuffed animal.
And then, right below that, by sheer coincidence, on her "What is Your Ideal Lover" application, it says:
I need "The Care Bear"!
Oh, you poor thing. You've been hurt, haven't you? Come, cry on my shoulder. My naked, naked shoulder. You are looking for a sensitive lover, someone who can spoon with you through the next episode of Sex And the City. You want someone that cares more about the 'after' part than the 'during' part. Also, you want someone who can stay awake for the 'after' part.
SPOON with you?! I'll fucking spoon your eyes out you fucking idiot.
If that wasn't enough, she's got a "garden" with cutesy wustesy beesy weesies and butterfwies and, count 'em... nine cutesy wutesy wabbits:
There's more. She's got "Sketch Me" which, presumeably replaces your photo with a cunning computer generated "sketch". Guess what, genius? It's called an image filter and it comes with Adobe Photoshop. And it makes you look even cock-er than you do normally:
Piltdown Woman's body was almost perfectly
preserved for 3 million years in the hard arctic ice.
Hey look, look! I can make myself look like a sketch too! Tee hee! LOLZ!!!!!! :))):
Nifty huh?
And then as if its not enough, her friends are cocks too! Here's some of the things they send around to "cheer up" each other's day:
I'll give you some of my droppings if you want.
But the best part is, the other day, I went to Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl's profile to see which cock has been sending all these cock applications to me. And then I noticed that she's got this application that presumably gives you an IQ test and publishes it on your profile. So on her profile, it says "Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl has an IQ of 100!"
But I'm like, waitaminute, an IQ of 100 is just in the average intelligence band. Not very high on the average intelligence band in fact. So why the fuck would you show it to the whole world? So that people know that you're of lower tier average intelligence? What a loser. (I, on the other hand, totally have a valid reason to let everyone know).
So anyway, I go and show L what kinda stupid people I meet on Facebook. But the What's My IQ application is gone from Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl's page! We spend about five minutes sifting through all her 68 cutesy applications but there's no "Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl has an IQ of 100!" leh. It was at this point when we both came to the conclusion that she probably thought having an IQ of 100 was like getting full marks for the IQ test. And then somehow she realised how far that was from reality and decided to take down the application in case people realise what an turd brain she is and don't want to online hug her anymore.
Anyway, I couldn't resist so I post on her Wall, "Guess IQ 100 doesn't mean full marks huh?" Five minutes later, she gleefully replies, "IQ 100 means almost 0 IQ ........hahahahahaha : D", thus proving the theory that L and I had. Then I asked her how come she added me to her Facebook and she goes "Good Question .............I dunno ..........hahahahaahahahaha : D".
Who, in the blue fuck, writes that many "haha"s?
She's also got tons of applications to check (and double check) if people like her. Like "Am I Hot?", "Are YOU Interested?", "Vote Me For Most Eligible Single", "Am I Popular?", "Hot Or Not" (in case you missed the first "Am I Hot" application), "Do You Have A Secret Crush On Me?", "Am I A Great Lover?", "Will You Kiss Me?" and "CRUSH ME" (which is, again, another variation of "Do You Have A Secret Crush On Me?"). Good God.
Oh and there's one other application on her profile that I think makes you do a quiz and publishes your mental age on your site. This one says "Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl is 15 years old!". 'Nuff said.
I cannot take it. I just want to go up to her and start punching her face, ah *bsh* *bsh* *bsh*. I've been trying to remove her but there seems to be a problem with Facebook and "remove friend" just doesn't seem to work.
Fucking retard.
* There has been considerable confusion and disagreement on whether a "cockslap" refers to (a) an act of assault on another person where his cock gets slapped by the assailant or; (b) when a person has his/her face slapped by a cock. I have considerable anecdotal evidence that it is the latter.
So I had a look at her profile. It is fucking retarded. She's got something like 68 applications on her Facebook profile. I guess its supposed to make one look like an interesting person. Well guess what retard? It just makes you look retarded. I mean what kinda retard has 68 applications on Facebook?
So anyway, right at the top of the profile at the status update, it says "Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl is waiting for new year day". New YEAR day? I suppose you enjoyed "Christma" morning as well huh?
Ok maybe that was just low. But then there's the applications themselves. There's the "More About Me" application which, as its name suggests, lets you answer more questions about yourself so that people know you better. Here are Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl's answers. Honestly, I did not edit anything whatsoever:
About MeThat's real informative man. Is there anything else you can say apart from "lot's", "alot" and "umm.......". More full stops doesn't mean more intelligence you know. Fucking retard.
Right-handed or left-handed: Right Handed
Goal you would like to achieve this year: Buy A Rolex For Myself
Do you want to go to college: i wish i could
Most embarrassing moment: alot .........
My perfect pizza: i eat anything . . . . .
What makes you laugh: lot's of things
What would you do with a million dollars: lot's of things i got to do
What can't you live without: alot
Do you sing: neh
What can't you live without: alot
My weakness: umm........
Silver or Gold: both
What makes you laugh: lot's of things
Do you play a musical instrument: nope nope. But wanted to learn
Who was the last person that called you: umm..........
Favorite candy bar: umm.........
Also, I counted no less than three "hug me" type applications. There's "FriendHug":
As well as "Hugs" and "HugMe". Wow. What? Your friends can't online hug you enough with one application? And what kinda idiots send "hugs" online anyway? I think she needs a "cockslap me" application. Sure get a lot of hits one.
Ok and then there's the cutesy applications. Fuck. She's got this in spades man. There's "What Kinda Lover Are You?":
I'm "The Care Bear"!Aww, aren't you sweet. You are the sensitive lover, in tune with your partner's needs and perhaps the Lifetime Channel. You care more about pleasing your lover than you do yourself, which is ironic because pleasing your partner is the only way you can please yourself. You probably own a stuffed animal.
And then, right below that, by sheer coincidence, on her "What is Your Ideal Lover" application, it says:
I need "The Care Bear"!Oh, you poor thing. You've been hurt, haven't you? Come, cry on my shoulder. My naked, naked shoulder. You are looking for a sensitive lover, someone who can spoon with you through the next episode of Sex And the City. You want someone that cares more about the 'after' part than the 'during' part. Also, you want someone who can stay awake for the 'after' part.
SPOON with you?! I'll fucking spoon your eyes out you fucking idiot.
If that wasn't enough, she's got a "garden" with cutesy wustesy beesy weesies and butterfwies and, count 'em... nine cutesy wutesy wabbits:
There's more. She's got "Sketch Me" which, presumeably replaces your photo with a cunning computer generated "sketch". Guess what, genius? It's called an image filter and it comes with Adobe Photoshop. And it makes you look even cock-er than you do normally:
Piltdown Woman's body was almost perfectlypreserved for 3 million years in the hard arctic ice.
Hey look, look! I can make myself look like a sketch too! Tee hee! LOLZ!!!!!! :))):
Nifty huh?
And then as if its not enough, her friends are cocks too! Here's some of the things they send around to "cheer up" each other's day:
I'll give you some of my droppings if you want.
But the best part is, the other day, I went to Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl's profile to see which cock has been sending all these cock applications to me. And then I noticed that she's got this application that presumably gives you an IQ test and publishes it on your profile. So on her profile, it says "Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl has an IQ of 100!"
But I'm like, waitaminute, an IQ of 100 is just in the average intelligence band. Not very high on the average intelligence band in fact. So why the fuck would you show it to the whole world? So that people know that you're of lower tier average intelligence? What a loser. (I, on the other hand, totally have a valid reason to let everyone know).
So anyway, I go and show L what kinda stupid people I meet on Facebook. But the What's My IQ application is gone from Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl's page! We spend about five minutes sifting through all her 68 cutesy applications but there's no "Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl has an IQ of 100!" leh. It was at this point when we both came to the conclusion that she probably thought having an IQ of 100 was like getting full marks for the IQ test. And then somehow she realised how far that was from reality and decided to take down the application in case people realise what an turd brain she is and don't want to online hug her anymore.
Anyway, I couldn't resist so I post on her Wall, "Guess IQ 100 doesn't mean full marks huh?" Five minutes later, she gleefully replies, "IQ 100 means almost 0 IQ ........hahahahahaha : D", thus proving the theory that L and I had. Then I asked her how come she added me to her Facebook and she goes "Good Question .............I dunno ..........hahahahaahahahaha : D".
Who, in the blue fuck, writes that many "haha"s?
She's also got tons of applications to check (and double check) if people like her. Like "Am I Hot?", "Are YOU Interested?", "Vote Me For Most Eligible Single", "Am I Popular?", "Hot Or Not" (in case you missed the first "Am I Hot" application), "Do You Have A Secret Crush On Me?", "Am I A Great Lover?", "Will You Kiss Me?" and "CRUSH ME" (which is, again, another variation of "Do You Have A Secret Crush On Me?"). Good God.
Oh and there's one other application on her profile that I think makes you do a quiz and publishes your mental age on your site. This one says "Fucking Cock Cutesy Retard Girl is 15 years old!". 'Nuff said.
I cannot take it. I just want to go up to her and start punching her face, ah *bsh* *bsh* *bsh*. I've been trying to remove her but there seems to be a problem with Facebook and "remove friend" just doesn't seem to work.
Fucking retard.
* There has been considerable confusion and disagreement on whether a "cockslap" refers to (a) an act of assault on another person where his cock gets slapped by the assailant or; (b) when a person has his/her face slapped by a cock. I have considerable anecdotal evidence that it is the latter.
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