Learning About Indonesian Culture

This is a conversation I had with the staff at my school. It's translated from Indonesian but I have tried to be as accurate as possible:

Me (to my tudung-clad tutor): Hey I have a question.

Tutor: Ya go on.

Me: You know for traditional Indonesians, after they shit, how do they clean their uhh.. what do you call it in Indonesian? Asshole? (said in English) Cos I notice that they don't have toilet paper in most of the toilets here.

Tutor: Er.. Why don't you ask Tuti (the office assistant).

Tuti: I can't really answer that question. Anyway, she's your tutor. She should be the one to answer your questions.

After some too-ing and fro-ing

Tuti (giggling uncontrollably): Maybe it's better to ask Pak Ruhi (the supervising lecturer for my course who happens to be in the office). I'll go get him.

Few minutes later, Pak Ruhi comes out of the office

Ruhi: Yup? Heard you had a question?

Me: Ya. It's about Indonesian culture. And since this is the Indonesian Language and Culture Department, I'd like to know how Indonesians clean their assholes after they mengeshit (Indonesians like to add prefixes to English words to make them appear Indonesian.)

Ruhi: Well... we do it with water.

Me: But like how? It's not like the toilets have water hoses that you can conveniently aim at your ass. How do you do it with the toilets where there're only basins of water and a scoop?

Ruhi: Well you kinda splash it on your butt.

Me: Do you use your hands too?

Ruhi: Well.. yes.

Me: And then like after that you eat with your hands?

Ruhi: Well we use the other hand.

Me: Right.. Then won't your butt be wet after you wash yourself like that?

Ruhi: Well you gotta kinda jump around a bit to get the water off. (mimes jumping around in the toilet)

Me: Isn't that kind of messy?

Ruhi: Well.. ye-a-h.. But it gets us clean.

Me: I guess it takes a lot of practice huh?

At this point the director of the department walks out of her office. She's obviously been listening in.

Director (to me): What about you? You use toilet paper. That's not as clean as using water right?

Ruhi (deciding to go on the offensive): Yeah. Paper's not that good is it? Cos your ass is a crevice like this (shows me the folds in the skin between the digits of his forefinger). So when you wipe its difficult to get into the crevice right?

Me: Well you kinda have to dig a little bit sometimes.

Director: How many pieces do you use usually?

Me: As many as it takes.

Short pause.

Director: Ohh.. begituuu (Indonesian for "Rii-iight")... Well, I'm off now. Have a good weekend then.

Ruhi (to me): Ya. Very interesting conversation. See you next week.

I still don't really get the concept. Some unanswered questions:

(i) How do you splash the water on your butt when you're sitting/squatting? Don't you kinda have to fling it upwards? What if some of the shit/water accidentally gets flung upwards too high? How do you wipe it off from, say your face when there's no toilet paper available? Do you use the water again? Won't you just get yourself really wet in the process?

(ii) How can you possibly expect to dry yourself sufficiently after you wash so that there won't be wet patches on your trousers when you put it on afterwards? I mean even with a bidet you have to use toilet paper to dry yourself right? Is jumping around really effective? Or do you have to kinda air it a bit before you put on your trousers? Doesn't that take quite a bit of time?

(iii) What if the water supply stops (as it sometimes does here in Indonesia) and there is not enough water in the water basin? I mean in toilet-paper-bloc nations you can shout out to other people and ask them to throw you a roll. But isn't it kind of hard to pass a bucket of water under the toilet door?

Strange country, this.