I Rent a Gay Bike

So I'm getting sick and tired of walking around the city sweating like a cheebye pig. My homie Ari here says he knows a place where I can rent a bike. So we go to the local ang moh bar (every town in southeast asia has one) and get some beers before walking over to the store next door to get my bike.

If I learnt anything by buying my bike in Singapore from the cheebye AS Phoon*, its that you should never buy bikes because they look good. You should just buy the bike that everyone else rides. Sure you won't impress the chicks but at least you get to work on time everyday. So I choose a bright red Honda Supra 125. Basically its the kinda bike that the more adventurous aunties in Singapore go on to do their Sunday marketing, minus the basket. It looks fucking gay but almost everyone here rides one. According to my new friend at the university, here, in the Land of the Weedy Motorcycles, a 125cc Kawasaki Ninja, is a status symbol. Apparently if you ride a Ninja to school, you're the equivalent of that bastard rich kid in college who drove that cool sports convertible and got all the chicks.

Anyway, happily liqoured up, I get on the bike, kick it into first and rev the tits off the thing. Unfortunately I find out too late that with these auntie bikes, you kick the pedal down to get the gear up which is entirely opposite from your average motorcycle in Singapore. So I keep putting the sucker into the wrong gear and because there is no clutch to give you the option of slowly easing the gears in, I'm lurching down the street like a rutting antelope in heat.

Happily, I get back to my hostel in one piece. Today at lessons I learnt that the locals call this kinda bike a "bebek" or duck because, well, it looks like one. MV Agusta Brutale it is not.

* AS Phoon is a chain of motorcycle shops in Singapore. Their speciality is dishonest salesman. For a low low price of $3800, you can get fucked in the backside twice by their trainee dishonest salesman who will tell you that their Honda SPs can win the 125cc world championship but alas today they forgot to charge the battery so it can't start properly. Nevertheless, if it could, it would beat the balls off Mika Kallio and it'll be perfectly fine when you collect the bike. Of course, when you collect the bike, you realise that the battery is fine. But nothing else is. I am dedicating my life to destroying this sorry excuse for a motorcycle dealer. I will not rest until each and every salesperson there, especially Mark (you know who you are you cheebye motherfucker), is dead.