Escape!

Ok I've decided to escape the shithole that is my homestay. Think I'm getting soft. Just four years agoI'd have stayed in the grossest accomodation just to save a few bucks or so that I'd be in the cool part of town. But now.. Well.

But to be fair, the homestay WAS gross lah.

First of all, the toilet floor was wet all the time from the host family washing their asses with the scoop from the water tub next to the toilet bowl (incidentally, this is also the same scoop and tub they use to bathe with). The toilet bowl is also wet all the time for the same reason and, according to S from the USINDO class at my school, that gives you ass rash (when she told me I was like "Oooh.. so that's what it is" - Don't worry. I'm better now).

Secondly, the toilet bowl was gross. Besides looking old and having a loose seat, there was brown scum on the inner rim under the seat where I imagine water from the bowl (probably of the same colour except with solid bits) must have splashed up and hit the seat during the ass washing procedure and since they have probably been doing it for the last thirty years the stains are now so deeply ingrained in the plastic that when I try to wipe it with toilet paper, it doesn't even come off (which actually reassures me a little since that means that it can't rub off onto my ass - see how sad I've become?).

Third, there's a teeny tiny mismatch in hygiene standards. I mean, there're FUCKING RATS in the house for fuck's sake and they're like "oh.. it's like that." I'm just taking a shot in the dark here but maybe, just maybe it's because they leave food overnight on the coffee table. The auntie who owns the house actually said something like "Oh.. we're quite easy going. There's always food on the table if you want a late night snack or something". Like hell I want to eat their late night snack man. And the lady's got a one year old kid in the house who literally puts everything in reach into his mouth. Toys, food, food that he's dropped on the floor, VCDs, bedroom slippers, garden slippers, nobody really stops him unless he looks like he's about to choke on the stuff. Well maybe they do make an attempt to put away the garden slippers lah.

Besides, I'm out all day anyway so I don't really get to interact much with them and practice my bahasa shmahasa. And its kinda hard to study without a proper table. But I suspect that deep down inside, these are just excuses I've made up to console myself that I am not a total wuss and moving out just because I can't take a bit of dirt.

Anyway, I have two more weeks left in my contract with the auntie but I've decided to leave the money and run. I tell the auntie last night that one of my colleagues at the office has fallen ill and they need me back there to cover for him and that I'm leaving this Friday. The timing was crucial because even if she insists on sending me to the airport and waving me off, I can still pull it off convincingly because I'm going to Jakarta for a short R&R trip anyway so its all cool.

I'm thinking I've pulled it off when she asks me what's wrong with him. First thing I blurt out is "dengue fever" but almost kick myself straightaway because I remember, half a second too late, that people with dengue fever only get out of work for two weeks. Thankfully, she doesn't catch on. But then she keeps going "Ya Allaaah (she says this a lot, along with Insyah Allah and Asalam Allaikum), your poor poor colleague. I hope he's alright." So I feel like a right bastard for lying to a nice (albeit less than hygienic) old lady because she actually seems slightly concerned. Thankfully, right there and then D calls from Singapore so I put on my most convincing concerned look and apologise to the auntie and leave the dinner table, talking in English with a worried tone so its as if someone's called me from Singapore to update me on the 'situation'.

Anyway I've booked a studio apartment and I'm gonna move in next week when I come back from Jakarta. I told D that I'm convinced that Buddha is punishing me for making fun of him. D, however, thinks its more likely that he's not happy with me because I made it look kinda small in the photo.