I Listen to Half Baked Stories About Buddha From Lazy Tour Guides

So I just went to visit Borobudur yesterday cos my school arranged an excursion for me. Quite nice but fucking hot. We get a tour guide so that I can practice listening in Indonesian. He starts out pretty enthusiastic, narrating each of the relief carvings that tell the story of Buddha's life. But then the heat gets the better of him. From what I could make out from him, the story of Buddha's life goes something like this:

There was once this prince by the name of Sidharta Gautama. He was the son of a great king. Before he was born, his mother dreamt that she would gave birth to a baby boy. Soon after, she was indeed pregnant. She and the king were very amazed because the king never could really get it up. When Sidharta was born, he could walk straightaway. He also had special powers like he could feed thousands of people with a single bowl of rice and he could heal all sorts of illnesses. Anyway, would Sir want to view ALL the reliefs because its an awful lot of reliefs and Sir might get tired before he can reach the peak of Borobudur which represents Nirvana and perhaps it might be better for Sir to save his strength so that he can reach this most amazing and fulfilling of places. Yes? Sir would prefer to skip this part of the story? Ok.

(After climbing up two more levels in the temple.) So Sidharta decided to meditate under a bodhi tree. After meditating for a long time, he attained Nirvana and became Buddha. This temple was built in his honour. There. End of story. Would Sir want to try to touch the Buddha inside the stupa for good luck?

Anyway, at the top of Borobudur got a lot of kok signs like this:

What no scratching? I like to scratch leh. Cannot ah huh? My downstairs itchy leh. I want to scratch leh. Why? Not happy ah huh? Hahahaha.

But anyway the scenary there quite nice lah:

Next time I bring my Indonesian girlfriend go there and fuck at night under the stars. Wah lan eh she sure love me long long time.

Then there is this hill range beside Borobudur that was supposed to have inspired the locals to build it. It's supposed to look like Buddha lying down, meditating. But from the looks of it, he might have been thinking about something else:

I think next life I'm going to be reborn as bacteria. But its just too funny not to blog about.